Why Do We Freeze When the Spotlight Is on Us?

Why Do We Freeze When the Spotlight Is on Us?

This story goes back to 2004-05. I had gone to a convention centre and retreat for an office offsite. Back then, my ex-company was still a startup—a growing one. Today, it’s a multinational.

There were about 25 of us. Like most offsites, we brainstormed future plans, made PPTs, finalized action steps for the year ahead, and had a fair bit of fun too.

It was a 2-day offsite. On Day 2, we had to present our plans. Back in the ’90s (as a college student), and well into 2002–2012, I had a deep fear of public speaking. I’d freeze under the spotlight and look for escape routes.

My teammates, however, were confident presenters. I had hoped my co-partner would present on our behalf. The setup was pretty impressive for 2004—roundtable seating, mics attached to every table.

I struck a deal—he agreed to speak. I was relieved and ready to cheer from the sidelines.

But life had other plans.

To my surprise, the CEO called my name. I had the numbers and the plan down cold. But as I walked to the front, the spotlight hit me, and I froze. I fumbled, my voice trembled, I wanted to run. My bosses and colleagues encouraged me, and somehow, I got through it. But I spoke in a shaky tone, was repeatedly told to raise my voice, and although the plans were appreciated, I felt… humiliated.

I was ashamed. Guilty. Angry with myself for freezing.

So, why do we freeze when the spotlight is on us?

There are many reasons:

• Generational fears are absorbed even in the womb or passed down through family stories and conditioning.
• Childhood or adolescent trauma, especially moments of public shaming.
• Accumulated fears and repeated instances of ridicule or rejection.
• Constant criticism for how we talk, walk, or laugh.
• Deep-seated self-perceptions that hold us back.

All of these experiences lodge themselves in our subconscious, forming patterns and triggering old memories like a movie reel when we’re in the spotlight.

So, how do we unfreeze?

1. Stop giving too much power to public speaking or the fear of it.
2. Do the inner work—understand your fears, decode early life experiences, limiting beliefs, and explore inherited emotional patterns.
3. Identify 3 key reasons that keep you from owning your voice.
4. Create your action plan. I did this by taking responsibility for how I had allowed others and events to silence me.
5. Take back your power from people, events, and judgments.
6. Observe how you speak. Focus on the intent behind your message, not on perfection. It’s okay to fumble—what matters is authenticity and clarity.

Being fearless doesn’t mean you’re without fear—it means you’ve understood it, accepted it, and decided to move forward anyway. Perfection is a myth. Speak from your truth.

Let go of the guilt. Let go of the shame. Let go of the pressure to perform. Once you do the work, those burdens fade.

Ready to Reclaim Your Voice?

If you’re ready to let go of the guilt, shame, and pressure to speak—and start showing up as your authentic, confident self—I’m launching a 4-session Bootcamp: The Leader’s Voice: Speak. Lead. Inspire.

DM me to know more.

Announcement drops Thursday, May 22. Stay tuned!